Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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