i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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