What a fucking waste of an outfit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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