the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
