3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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