This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
