You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
