3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
