He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
