i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
