totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
