i jhust puked up my retainher.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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