my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
