i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
