i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
