you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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