Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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