Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
