i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
