He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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