Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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