Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
