My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize