So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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