I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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