just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!