I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months