I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
