Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.

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(+27): View more from South Africa

I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.

(+27): View more from South Africa

I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.

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(408): View more from California

Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

how was last night?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(913): View more from Kansas

The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.

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(518): View more from New York

Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?

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(813): View more from Florida

It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.

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