So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?