so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!