Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
