i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
