Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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