Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
