you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
