he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
