Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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