the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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