As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
