..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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