Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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