No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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