I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
