im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
