Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
