It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
