Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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