It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
