Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
