She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize