i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My penis needs a shock collar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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