Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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