the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
