note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
