apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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