i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
