Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
